01 November 2009

a spot of blue

It has been one year, two months, and fourteen days since my 4 legged-best friend died. Not a single day goes by that I don't think of her... There are still polaroids of her on my mirror, there is still a silly 101 Dalmatians figurine sitting on my shelf (and it's not because I love the movie, in fact, I can't even bring myself to watch it), there is still our framed picture of us lying on the floor, and she's still the background on my phone. I don't think I'll ever be able to change it. Honestly though. That would just be another step to leaving her behind.
I am sitting here crying wondering if this is normal? Is there some other reason for my tears? Really though, if I thought about it enough other days, I could cry then too. I've never had very good luck with friends... I don't easily let go of my walls with others. I don't share a lot of things and to the people I have, more often than not, I have been let down. Spot was my refuge. She was one soul that I could go to anytime and she would just be there. It was weird, she was my in doggy form. I know I sound kooky, but I can't help it. I remember one of the very first days after we found her on Valentines day, I went outside and laid down beside her and accidently fell asleep. She was still lost at this point, but I like to think I made her feel welcome to our home.. to her new home. When she came into the house for the first time, we told her to go get into bed and she ran straight into my room and hopped onto my bed and it was there that she slept for the next 10 years. I think this is the first time that I have really thought about it since she died and it is literally making me sick to my stomach. I can't really describe how much she meant to me but I felt like I just needed to get it out. It makes me sad that God didn't give animals souls. Maybe she was reincarnated into another puppy and I'll meet her again someday... I am happy though that she made it till my birthday. That was her gift to me. The next day is when she had to go... My sister, my spot. I love you.

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